Thursday, February 6, 2014

Now, Ladies......

Okay ladies.  It is our turn now.  I am going to discuss what it means to be submissive to your husband.  Don't leave yet!!  Just read through the post, consider what I have to say, and then respond in the comments.

I want to look at Ephesians 5 again for this conversation. Verse 22-24..."Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

I think we would all agree that scripture obviously tells us that we are to submit to our husband.  If that bothers you, I would ask you to consider the following question.  Is it degrading to be a servant unto the Lord, or is it a privilege?  I think most of us would say that it is one of our chief blessings to serve the Lord.  I think we would all agree that the blessings we receive in His service outweigh the burdens of serving.  So it will be in our marriages if we will submit ourselves to our every thing.

.  I do not think your submissiveness gives him the right to treat you in a disrespectful or violent manner. Why not?  Because that is not how the church is told to treat Christ.  In fact, those who Christ gave to be watchmen of his bride are commanded do be gentle with her.  I do not think that being submissive means you sit meekly in his presence, scared to question him or voice an opinion.  We are commanded to communicate daily with Christ through prayer, and so we must communicate daily with our husband.  If we do not communicate our thoughts and feelings to him, we are not fulfilling our role of a help-meet.  He is commanded to dwell with us according to knowledge, which means we must give him the opportunity to know our minds and our hearts.   I do not think being submissive means that you walk three steps behind him, or are somehow put on a different level of worthiness.  We are commanded to draw nigh to our Savior, not stand off from Him.  So what does being submissive mean?  I think the last verse of Ephesians 5 can give us a lot of insight into this most vital of attitudes.

Verse 33 is one of the best examples of a concluding sentence that any writer could hope to study.  He speaks about wives, and then husbands, and then how really he is speaking of Christ and the church.  But he sums up his teaching on marriage relationships with this sentence : "Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."  He is restating what he just said in a concise way.  The part regarding husbands is almost word for word a repeat of the last part of verse 28.  So it would follow, tht what he says about wives is also a restating of what he said above.  In other words, submission and reverence seem to be one and the same.

Reverence, as a verb, means "to treat someone or something with deep respect."  DEEP respect.

So what does that mean?  It means that you have so much respect for and admiration of your husbands abilities, that you take every opportunity to hold him up and admire him.  You present him to others in such a way that they too will admire him.   Isn't that the primary function of the church; to admire our Lord's greatness and to hold Him up so that others may see what a great Savior we have?  So, too, is that the primary job of the wife.  Too have such a deep respect and regard for your husband that every action exudes admiration for this man.

Now this is harder for us to do for our husbands than for our Lord beacuse of the simple fact that our husbands are sinners.  They have faults and failings.  And the mothering instict that is so natural to women wants to start pointing out his failings and possible solutions.  We want to treat him as one of the children who need our constant instruction and correction to b taught the way if life.  But that is NOT the right attitude t have toward a husband.  Yes, each man had failures...some more than others...but they all have them.  As wives, it is our job to look over these with charity, to focus on his strengths, and to help him and others do the same.

There is a book entitled For Women Only in which the authors, Shaunti and Jeff Feldham, surveyed and interviewed thousands of men and then put those answers into a format that allows women a glimpse into the male mind.  If you are married and haven't read it, do so.  It will be an eye opening read.  One of the things that surprised me about their findings is what the number one thing men wanted from women.  Some of you might think the answer was sex.  Some of you might think it was love.  Some might think it was a maid or a cook.  But you would all be wrong.  The amazingly vast majority of men said the number one thing they wanted from a woman was respect.
When I read that, I laughed, because my husband is absolutely NOT egotistical, and I could not imagine he would respond that way.  I thought affection would be his answer.  I was wrong.

Males have egos.  It is part of their make-up.  Just because a man is blessed to be able to keep his ego in check doesn't mean that it is no there.  Egos for men are like emotions for women.  We have them, we must learn to keep them under control, but they are part of us.  And, we expect nad need for them to be acknowledged by our beloved.  Ladies, how do you feel when your husband makes fun of your emotions or just tells you to get over something or just flat out ignores them?  Well, that is how your husband will feel if you ignore his ego.  How do you take care of this need?  You reverence your husband, submit to your husband, IN EVERY THING.

It should be our daily focus to find ways to show our husband that we respect him, and to NEVER let others see that we don't.

"But my husband is not like yours.  He does everything wrong."

Really?  Everything?  Are you sure?  He doesn't do one, single thing well?

"Well, he does this, but...."

Stop at the but.  Focus one the one thing.  Show him you appreciate the one thing.  Tell others how wonderful his one thing is.  Respect him for his one thing.  And watch how the Lord will bless.

Reverencing your husband isn't always easy.  Sometimes their behavior makes it hard.  Sometimes, our behavior makes it hard.  Do it anyway.  God said to.  Pray to him for strength and wisdom.  Actively make every effort to show the world that you respect the man you married.  Praise him, promote him, defer to him...and watch him, your love for him, and your marriage flourish.


  1. Well said. Thank you. And I agree that For Women Only is a good book.

  2. For Men Only is a really good read also. And, I think what you have said above is right on the money.