Monday, June 17, 2013
FYI
Blog posting will be sporadic, at best, for the next four weeks as I help one of the sweetest ladies I know plan and execute her wedding. She held my wedding train in my wedding, and I am coordinating hers....that makes me feel old! I'll post if and when I get the chance, but most of my spare time will be involved in wedding prep. Thanks for understanding!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Three Tests
Proverbs 14:12....."There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."
So how do we know when something that seems right is right? How do we know what seems right is the leadership of the Spirit and not our natural reasoning leading us into a way of destruction? There are three tests that can help us answer those questions.
Test One - Is the way I want to go contrary to scripture? The Holy Spirit will never contradict the word of God. We may try to wrest the scripture around to give us the answer we want, but if instead we will honestly read the Bible and heed it's teachings, it will help us interpret our "feelings" as to the way we should go. The Bible should interpret our lives...not vice versa. If I have to reason away scripture to pursue my chosen plan, I am probably on a way of death. If scripture supports and encourages my actions, I am probably following the Spirit.
But sometimes scripture is silent on a specific topic. Sometimes there is no definite right or wrong. How do we know what to do then?
Test Two - Does it offend my brother? Sometimes we don't need to do something for the simple reason that it harms our brethren, it is a stumbling block to them....it makes their Christian walk harder. In the fourteenth chapter of Romans, Paul gives us this lesson. To summarize, some of the early Christians thought eating meat was sinful. Paul, acknowledging that a person's diet has nothing to do with their devotion to God, advises the meat eating brethren to abstain from partaking of meat in front of their weaker brethren. He does not tell the weak brethren to just get over it. He tells the meat eaters to stop and to instead pursue 'the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another." So if scripture is silent on a matter, and our brother is offended by our actions, to continue to pursue those actions could be a way of death.,,,death to fellowship and to peace. Ceasing from offensive behavior will yield blessings. Scripture is filled with praise for peacemakers. The world is full of problems that could be avoided if we better applied this test in our decisions. I want to be a pursuer of peace. I would love to be known for that. That is a New Year's Resolution worth striving toward!
So if scripture is silent on a matter, and my brother is not offended by my actions, then I am good to go...right? I think there is still one more test to pass before I say my choice is safe.
Test Three - What is the still, small voice saying? The world has many names for this still, small voice; intuition, gut feeling, inner voice. For the child of God, I believe the quiet voice inside yourself, guiding you toward right and away from wrong, is the Holy Spirit placed within you at regeneration. But often, we are too busy to listen to this voice. So before any big decision is made, I think it is of the utmost importance to STOP moving, talking, and doing; and to just BE STILL and LISTEN. Don't try to justify or support the way you want to go. Just be quiet, and honestly check to see if something inside of you is saying "no." If the still, small voice says no, then wait. Maybe later it will say yes, or maybe it won't, but to take off willfully ignoring that voice is dangerous.
The trick is to know if fear is saying "no", or if the Spirit is saying "no." That is why it is important to spend time every day trying to find that quiet voice within yourself. Then you will recognize that voice when you need guidance. It just "sounds" different than fear.
So there they are. Three tests to help determine if the way that seems right is right. I am sure others have different ways, better ways, and I would be thrilled to hear what they are.
So how do we know when something that seems right is right? How do we know what seems right is the leadership of the Spirit and not our natural reasoning leading us into a way of destruction? There are three tests that can help us answer those questions.
Test One - Is the way I want to go contrary to scripture? The Holy Spirit will never contradict the word of God. We may try to wrest the scripture around to give us the answer we want, but if instead we will honestly read the Bible and heed it's teachings, it will help us interpret our "feelings" as to the way we should go. The Bible should interpret our lives...not vice versa. If I have to reason away scripture to pursue my chosen plan, I am probably on a way of death. If scripture supports and encourages my actions, I am probably following the Spirit.
But sometimes scripture is silent on a specific topic. Sometimes there is no definite right or wrong. How do we know what to do then?
Test Two - Does it offend my brother? Sometimes we don't need to do something for the simple reason that it harms our brethren, it is a stumbling block to them....it makes their Christian walk harder. In the fourteenth chapter of Romans, Paul gives us this lesson. To summarize, some of the early Christians thought eating meat was sinful. Paul, acknowledging that a person's diet has nothing to do with their devotion to God, advises the meat eating brethren to abstain from partaking of meat in front of their weaker brethren. He does not tell the weak brethren to just get over it. He tells the meat eaters to stop and to instead pursue 'the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another." So if scripture is silent on a matter, and our brother is offended by our actions, to continue to pursue those actions could be a way of death.,,,death to fellowship and to peace. Ceasing from offensive behavior will yield blessings. Scripture is filled with praise for peacemakers. The world is full of problems that could be avoided if we better applied this test in our decisions. I want to be a pursuer of peace. I would love to be known for that. That is a New Year's Resolution worth striving toward!
So if scripture is silent on a matter, and my brother is not offended by my actions, then I am good to go...right? I think there is still one more test to pass before I say my choice is safe.
Test Three - What is the still, small voice saying? The world has many names for this still, small voice; intuition, gut feeling, inner voice. For the child of God, I believe the quiet voice inside yourself, guiding you toward right and away from wrong, is the Holy Spirit placed within you at regeneration. But often, we are too busy to listen to this voice. So before any big decision is made, I think it is of the utmost importance to STOP moving, talking, and doing; and to just BE STILL and LISTEN. Don't try to justify or support the way you want to go. Just be quiet, and honestly check to see if something inside of you is saying "no." If the still, small voice says no, then wait. Maybe later it will say yes, or maybe it won't, but to take off willfully ignoring that voice is dangerous.
The trick is to know if fear is saying "no", or if the Spirit is saying "no." That is why it is important to spend time every day trying to find that quiet voice within yourself. Then you will recognize that voice when you need guidance. It just "sounds" different than fear.
So there they are. Three tests to help determine if the way that seems right is right. I am sure others have different ways, better ways, and I would be thrilled to hear what they are.
Monday, May 27, 2013
THOUGHT LIST
I have too many thoughts floating through my brain to latch onto one and make a post. So I will list the thoughts and perhaps that will calm my brain.
1. The Bible is a timeless book. The practices and doctrines taught therein will work today if we follow after them. Satan tries to convince us that we are so enlightened now, we should interpret scripture by society's standards. Instead we should judge society's standards by scripture. 'Let God be true and every man a liar."
2. While judging our culture and our environment is healthy, judging individuals is dangerous. The church as a body must exercise judgement in dealing with members and candidates for baptism, we as individual should not judge each other. If we compare ourselves to other people, we will have a skewed view. We have a full time job judging ourselves against the perfect example Christ and trying to walk in a way that is more Christ like. We should be too busy for mote-picking.
3. We have mice in our house and they are driving me crazy. This week we are hunting mice. BEWARE!!
4. We have two get togethers we are supposed to go to today...both scheduled at noon. Bah! Humbug!!
5. I love the man I am married too. He calms me....usually!
6. Raising kids is hard work. Sometimes I just want to quit. I won't. I love them too much.
7. Hormones are evil. I have hated my hormones for years....my daughter's hormones are not a welcome addition to our family.
8. Teaching discernment is extremely difficult. Where is the line between being helpful and overstepping your role? When is it time for a word fitly spoken and when should you mind your own business? When should you go ahead with a project and when should you stop and wait for leadership from God? Exercising discernment is hard... but teaching it...ugh!!
9. I am ready to go to the lake next week...more than ready.
10. As negative as this list may seem, I am not in a bad mood. I just have a lot on my mind.
Sorry for such a random post. Maybe I can get more focused later in the week.
1. The Bible is a timeless book. The practices and doctrines taught therein will work today if we follow after them. Satan tries to convince us that we are so enlightened now, we should interpret scripture by society's standards. Instead we should judge society's standards by scripture. 'Let God be true and every man a liar."
2. While judging our culture and our environment is healthy, judging individuals is dangerous. The church as a body must exercise judgement in dealing with members and candidates for baptism, we as individual should not judge each other. If we compare ourselves to other people, we will have a skewed view. We have a full time job judging ourselves against the perfect example Christ and trying to walk in a way that is more Christ like. We should be too busy for mote-picking.
3. We have mice in our house and they are driving me crazy. This week we are hunting mice. BEWARE!!
4. We have two get togethers we are supposed to go to today...both scheduled at noon. Bah! Humbug!!
5. I love the man I am married too. He calms me....usually!
6. Raising kids is hard work. Sometimes I just want to quit. I won't. I love them too much.
7. Hormones are evil. I have hated my hormones for years....my daughter's hormones are not a welcome addition to our family.
8. Teaching discernment is extremely difficult. Where is the line between being helpful and overstepping your role? When is it time for a word fitly spoken and when should you mind your own business? When should you go ahead with a project and when should you stop and wait for leadership from God? Exercising discernment is hard... but teaching it...ugh!!
9. I am ready to go to the lake next week...more than ready.
10. As negative as this list may seem, I am not in a bad mood. I just have a lot on my mind.
Sorry for such a random post. Maybe I can get more focused later in the week.
Monday, May 20, 2013
The Right Way
Recently, I have had cause to reevaluate my life as a homemaker. We have decided to send Hannah to public school next year, and thought we would be sending Daniel to pre-K. (That has not worked out.) So I thought perhaps this would be a good time for me to go back to school and earn my teaching degree. I looked into colleges, course loads, costs. I looked into job possibilities at our school that might come open in the next few years. I made lists, researched, talked it over for hours with HBON. And the more I thought about going back to school, the more steps I took in that direction, the bigger the sick feeling in my stomach grew. Finally, I stopped to evaluate why I had such a bad feeling about going back to school.
I LOVED college. The course work is fascinating. I was the type of student who got excited every time I was assigned a paper to write. The more my brain was challenged the more fun I had. So the idea of the classes I would have to take and the homework I would have to do if I went back to school excited me. It was not the cause of my sick feeling.
The logistics of going back to school was looking to be something of a headache. Applications for admissions, scholarships, and financial aid.... transferring of credits...taking the ACT again......headaches. But I knew, just like any other new endeavor getting started would be work, but once I was on the path most of that would fall into place if I just kept doing whatever was next. So while I was not looking forward to the process, I wasn't anxious about it either. Logistics was not the cause of my sick feeling.
Then I started thinking about the changes that would happen in my home. What if the children were sick and I had a test that day? What if my elderly mother-in-law experienced health problems? What about all of the things the church depends on me to take care of? What about all of the little things I do all day because I stay home that I would have to give up if I went to school? I imagined my household during finals week, during the fall meeting season when school is in session, during the six months I would have to take an 8:00am class. And the sick feeling in my stomach BLOSSOMED!!!
I thought perhaps I was scared of the change, but that didn't feel right. I thought I was being lazy...worried about the extra work load...but that didn't feel right either. So I prayed to understand why I was so bothered by these things, and almost immediately the scripture flooded my mind from Proverbs 14:12....."There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."
WHAT?? Why is that the answer to my dilemma What does that have to do with my going to school? Everything.
The age difference between HBON and myself seems to suggest I will have to work somewhere for about 10 years to be provided for in my old age. If my children are going to be in public school, I want to be as involved with the school as I can be. Paying for school will only become more difficult the longer I wait. It is logical to my natural brain for me to go back to school....but apparently, my spiritual brain says no....at least for now. Something is telling me I am to stay home. There is not a good reason, at least to a natural way of thinking, for me to stay home, yet I have an impression to do just that. The main reason I decided to quit college and stay home when I go married is because the Bible says older women are to teach younger women to be keepers AT home. I believe that this means my primary focus, effort, and energy is to be spent on my household, at my house. I believe the Bible teaches that as the primary job of a married woman, yet when I look at the future it seems as if a teaching career would serve my family well. I would be involved with my children's education and would know their peer groups. The money would be a blessing, allowing us to do many things we want to while the children are home, and ensuring my husband's retirement at age 62. So what is the answer?
"There is a way that seemeth right unto man, but the ends therof are the ways of death." If I believe the Bible, and I do, then I believe the Spirit leads God's children. I believe God speaks to us through the Bible. I believe we will experience blessings when we follow His ways, and trouble when we don't. And I believe we should walk by faith. So even though it makes no earthly sense for me to stay home right now, that is exactly what I am doing. I don't know how I will be provided for in my old age, but I believe somehow I will be. I don't know how I will be able to be involved in my children's education, but I believe a way will present itself. I don't know how we will pay for me to go back to school if that becomes necessary, but I believe that if that is the Lord's will, the money will be there one way or another. I don't know what I may do in the future...if I will continue to stay home or if one day I will go to work. But I know that for now it is best for me and my family that I stay home. I know in my heart of hearts that is where God wants me, and THAT is exciting. I have never been so excited to be a homemaker! Sometimes walking by faith is scary, but this time I feel like I want to take a flying leap! I can't wait to see what God will provide!
I LOVED college. The course work is fascinating. I was the type of student who got excited every time I was assigned a paper to write. The more my brain was challenged the more fun I had. So the idea of the classes I would have to take and the homework I would have to do if I went back to school excited me. It was not the cause of my sick feeling.
The logistics of going back to school was looking to be something of a headache. Applications for admissions, scholarships, and financial aid.... transferring of credits...taking the ACT again......headaches. But I knew, just like any other new endeavor getting started would be work, but once I was on the path most of that would fall into place if I just kept doing whatever was next. So while I was not looking forward to the process, I wasn't anxious about it either. Logistics was not the cause of my sick feeling.
Then I started thinking about the changes that would happen in my home. What if the children were sick and I had a test that day? What if my elderly mother-in-law experienced health problems? What about all of the things the church depends on me to take care of? What about all of the little things I do all day because I stay home that I would have to give up if I went to school? I imagined my household during finals week, during the fall meeting season when school is in session, during the six months I would have to take an 8:00am class. And the sick feeling in my stomach BLOSSOMED!!!
I thought perhaps I was scared of the change, but that didn't feel right. I thought I was being lazy...worried about the extra work load...but that didn't feel right either. So I prayed to understand why I was so bothered by these things, and almost immediately the scripture flooded my mind from Proverbs 14:12....."There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."
WHAT?? Why is that the answer to my dilemma What does that have to do with my going to school? Everything.
The age difference between HBON and myself seems to suggest I will have to work somewhere for about 10 years to be provided for in my old age. If my children are going to be in public school, I want to be as involved with the school as I can be. Paying for school will only become more difficult the longer I wait. It is logical to my natural brain for me to go back to school....but apparently, my spiritual brain says no....at least for now. Something is telling me I am to stay home. There is not a good reason, at least to a natural way of thinking, for me to stay home, yet I have an impression to do just that. The main reason I decided to quit college and stay home when I go married is because the Bible says older women are to teach younger women to be keepers AT home. I believe that this means my primary focus, effort, and energy is to be spent on my household, at my house. I believe the Bible teaches that as the primary job of a married woman, yet when I look at the future it seems as if a teaching career would serve my family well. I would be involved with my children's education and would know their peer groups. The money would be a blessing, allowing us to do many things we want to while the children are home, and ensuring my husband's retirement at age 62. So what is the answer?
"There is a way that seemeth right unto man, but the ends therof are the ways of death." If I believe the Bible, and I do, then I believe the Spirit leads God's children. I believe God speaks to us through the Bible. I believe we will experience blessings when we follow His ways, and trouble when we don't. And I believe we should walk by faith. So even though it makes no earthly sense for me to stay home right now, that is exactly what I am doing. I don't know how I will be provided for in my old age, but I believe somehow I will be. I don't know how I will be able to be involved in my children's education, but I believe a way will present itself. I don't know how we will pay for me to go back to school if that becomes necessary, but I believe that if that is the Lord's will, the money will be there one way or another. I don't know what I may do in the future...if I will continue to stay home or if one day I will go to work. But I know that for now it is best for me and my family that I stay home. I know in my heart of hearts that is where God wants me, and THAT is exciting. I have never been so excited to be a homemaker! Sometimes walking by faith is scary, but this time I feel like I want to take a flying leap! I can't wait to see what God will provide!
Good Morning!
It is 5:10. I am up. My whole body is protesting, but I am out of bed. I'm off to make HBON's breakfast and lunch. More later.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
She's back...and just in time!
It has been a LONG time since I have posted. I have felt bad for leaving "Some Don'ts of Fighting" up for so long. I hope you all haven't thought I have been fussing with HBON all this time! I was SICK, and busy, and overwhelmed with decisions to make, people to take care of outside of my family, and the end of school. And I just decided to take a break from everything I possibly could so that I could have the time, focus and energy to take care of all the rest.
I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to waking up early. I got bronchitis and slept every chance I had. Then when I finally was over that, I was back into a bad habit. This week, I am planning on getting back in the groove, and I am soooooo excited. I am tired of feeling so rushed, of not having time with HBON in the morning, and of spouting my prayers as quickly as possible to "get them out of the way." What a horrible attitude!! I can't wait to renew my morning routine! Why don't you join me? In the morning, I will check in when I wake up and all of you can comment that you too are awake and ready to serve the Lord.
Besides wanting to renew my morning routine, I desperately need to. This is my last free weekend until August. Weddings, church meetings, and a quick trip to Branson will eat up my weekends for the next two months. Ball games will take up 2 or 3 evenings a week. That means the mowing, gardening, and other household activities usually looked after by HBON will fall, in large part, on my shoulders. Which is fine. That is why I am a stay at home wife and mother. It is my job and my privilege. But I will have to work diligently, wake up early, and strive for peace over the next two months. So pray for me to be able to do that, if you don't mind. Especially the last part. Being calm in the midst of chaos is extremely difficult, but so helpful to my family. Usually we depend on HBON for that...he is our anchor. But I want to be part of the calm, instead of a contributor to chaos. Have a great night!
I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to waking up early. I got bronchitis and slept every chance I had. Then when I finally was over that, I was back into a bad habit. This week, I am planning on getting back in the groove, and I am soooooo excited. I am tired of feeling so rushed, of not having time with HBON in the morning, and of spouting my prayers as quickly as possible to "get them out of the way." What a horrible attitude!! I can't wait to renew my morning routine! Why don't you join me? In the morning, I will check in when I wake up and all of you can comment that you too are awake and ready to serve the Lord.
Besides wanting to renew my morning routine, I desperately need to. This is my last free weekend until August. Weddings, church meetings, and a quick trip to Branson will eat up my weekends for the next two months. Ball games will take up 2 or 3 evenings a week. That means the mowing, gardening, and other household activities usually looked after by HBON will fall, in large part, on my shoulders. Which is fine. That is why I am a stay at home wife and mother. It is my job and my privilege. But I will have to work diligently, wake up early, and strive for peace over the next two months. So pray for me to be able to do that, if you don't mind. Especially the last part. Being calm in the midst of chaos is extremely difficult, but so helpful to my family. Usually we depend on HBON for that...he is our anchor. But I want to be part of the calm, instead of a contributor to chaos. Have a great night!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Some Don'ts of Fighting
As stated in the previous post, due to our sinful nature, two people who spend a lot of time together will eventually disagree. How we handle that moment is of utmost importance to our marriage, our children, our friends, and our churches. A marriage where hateful words and actions are an everyday occurrence is in danger of divorce. Children's perception of love is shaped, to a large degree, by what they see in their parent's relationship. A child who witnesses her parents constantly fighting will assume that is right and normal for their marriage. This thought is scary. Is the relationship my children see between HBON and myself something I would want them to experience in their lives? Friends feel compelled to take sides when a couple is fighting and that expands the conflict to others. Churches made up of fussing families have trouble focusing on God and His goodness instead of how everyone is reacting to each other today. So contention is something that effects more than the two people involved. Therefore, we must strive to limit its occurrence and learn to fight in a way that will cause as little harm as possible.
There should be some hard and fast rules when it comes to fussing and feuding. These are easy to say and hard to do, especially in the heat of the moment. Most endeavors that are worth pursuing fall into this category.
Never fight in front of the children. Children should see their parents as an indivisible team. Discipline is easier. Children feel safe and secure. They expect relationships to be about love instead of anger. They know their parents love each other and them. Unfortunately, we parents goof up and break this rule. When we do, it is important to reestablish the sense of security for our children. It is important for them to see that their parents still love each other and are ashamed that the children saw the fight. Teaching children by example about forgiveness and love, is one of the most important jobs we have as parents. Hopefully, we can teach them this without them seeing us fight with each other, but if we slip and fight in front of them, we should MAKE SURE they understand the best part of fighting is making up.
Never say or do anything to demean your spouse. Fighting over a point of contention should not turn into a personal attack. In the heat of the moment, we are likely to say things for the sole purpose of wounding someone who has wounded us. This should be avoided at all costs. Our spouse might doubt are reasoning ability, logic, or even our sanity, but he should never, EVER, doubt our love. When we act in a way that communicates "I don't love you" instead of "I an mad at you" we have crossed a line. If we cross that line too many times, our spouse will start believing our actions. Especially for women, there are no words in the English language to communicate love if they are not followed by action. And ladies, if you want your husbands to act like men, their manhood must never be questioned or undermined in the heat of anger. That sort of blow will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair. And physical attacks are to never be tolerated.
Never fight as a team. Fusses between spouses should stay between spouses. I am not saying that you can't talk with friends to get advice and counsel or to vent a little in order to maintain a level of decorum. But you cannot talk to friends in order to influence the fuss one way or the other. You cannot talk to friends to get them on your side. In fact, a true friend, on hearing the opposing positions, might very well tell you that you are wrong and your spouse is right. If you are not willing to hear that from the person to whom you are speaking, just keep your mouth closed. Your friend should never doubt your love and respect for your spouse during the conversation. If your goal is to malign your husband, it would be best to not say anything. The conversation should be about your state of mind and your struggle, not his. And the conversation with the friend should NEVER occur on social media. There is absolutely, positively NO REASON AN ARGUMENT SHOULD EVER MAKE AN APPEARANCE ON FACEBOOK. Face to face is best for these sorts of conversations. Over the phone can be a substitute if necessary. But remember, a peaceful conclusion must be reached by you and your spouse, alone. If a conversation with a friend would impede the progress of resolving the disagreement, just stay quiet.
Pride must be mortified. All arguments are based on pride. I think I am right. He thinks he is right. We are sure of our rightness. So we fuss. The fuss will never be resolved if we do not admit we could be wrong. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes he is wrong. Sometimes it takes a fuss to figure out which one of us is wrong. But if we are not willing to swallow our pride and admit we are wrong, the fuss will just keep going. The longer it lasts, the more likely we are to break one of these rules and cause lasting damage. And I guess that is the real 'don't' of fighting......
Don't cause lasting damage. In most cases, being right is not worth causing lasting damage. Winning an argument is not worth hurting our spouse, our children, our fiends, our churches. It's just not worth it. It just isn't.
There should be some hard and fast rules when it comes to fussing and feuding. These are easy to say and hard to do, especially in the heat of the moment. Most endeavors that are worth pursuing fall into this category.
Never fight in front of the children. Children should see their parents as an indivisible team. Discipline is easier. Children feel safe and secure. They expect relationships to be about love instead of anger. They know their parents love each other and them. Unfortunately, we parents goof up and break this rule. When we do, it is important to reestablish the sense of security for our children. It is important for them to see that their parents still love each other and are ashamed that the children saw the fight. Teaching children by example about forgiveness and love, is one of the most important jobs we have as parents. Hopefully, we can teach them this without them seeing us fight with each other, but if we slip and fight in front of them, we should MAKE SURE they understand the best part of fighting is making up.
Never say or do anything to demean your spouse. Fighting over a point of contention should not turn into a personal attack. In the heat of the moment, we are likely to say things for the sole purpose of wounding someone who has wounded us. This should be avoided at all costs. Our spouse might doubt are reasoning ability, logic, or even our sanity, but he should never, EVER, doubt our love. When we act in a way that communicates "I don't love you" instead of "I an mad at you" we have crossed a line. If we cross that line too many times, our spouse will start believing our actions. Especially for women, there are no words in the English language to communicate love if they are not followed by action. And ladies, if you want your husbands to act like men, their manhood must never be questioned or undermined in the heat of anger. That sort of blow will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair. And physical attacks are to never be tolerated.
Never fight as a team. Fusses between spouses should stay between spouses. I am not saying that you can't talk with friends to get advice and counsel or to vent a little in order to maintain a level of decorum. But you cannot talk to friends in order to influence the fuss one way or the other. You cannot talk to friends to get them on your side. In fact, a true friend, on hearing the opposing positions, might very well tell you that you are wrong and your spouse is right. If you are not willing to hear that from the person to whom you are speaking, just keep your mouth closed. Your friend should never doubt your love and respect for your spouse during the conversation. If your goal is to malign your husband, it would be best to not say anything. The conversation should be about your state of mind and your struggle, not his. And the conversation with the friend should NEVER occur on social media. There is absolutely, positively NO REASON AN ARGUMENT SHOULD EVER MAKE AN APPEARANCE ON FACEBOOK. Face to face is best for these sorts of conversations. Over the phone can be a substitute if necessary. But remember, a peaceful conclusion must be reached by you and your spouse, alone. If a conversation with a friend would impede the progress of resolving the disagreement, just stay quiet.
Pride must be mortified. All arguments are based on pride. I think I am right. He thinks he is right. We are sure of our rightness. So we fuss. The fuss will never be resolved if we do not admit we could be wrong. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes he is wrong. Sometimes it takes a fuss to figure out which one of us is wrong. But if we are not willing to swallow our pride and admit we are wrong, the fuss will just keep going. The longer it lasts, the more likely we are to break one of these rules and cause lasting damage. And I guess that is the real 'don't' of fighting......
Don't cause lasting damage. In most cases, being right is not worth causing lasting damage. Winning an argument is not worth hurting our spouse, our children, our fiends, our churches. It's just not worth it. It just isn't.
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